For my final post in the series ‘A TUESDAY IN APRIL’ (read the others here, here and here), I thought I’d reflect on who I was at half my age today.  The photo featured below is from my freshman year of high school.  I’m fairly certain the photographer panned down in order to make sure every inch of my peacock inspired hair was in frame.  I didn’t really like the photo back then because I thought it made me look quite strange (seriously, look at the size of my head!).  I now look back at this photo and hope to always be that girl.  To smile so wide as though I hadn’t a care in the world.

If you knew me then, you would’ve known a loud (I so relate to this) and fearless young girl with a big personality to boot.  I was confident and certain that I had my life figured out (ha!).  Admittedly, I was a bit annoying but in a lovable kind of way…at least I hope.  I didn’t get embarrassed easily. I would allow myself to feel the initial sting of embarrassment but never wasted my energy ruminating over a fleeting moment I couldn’t change; though I did experience many of those moments.  I possessed a strong sense of self that radiated confidence like you wouldn’t believe.  I’m glad to have been that girl, that spunky, vivacious, joyful and confident fourteen year old girl and I’m happy to still carry so much of her with me today.

As it goes, life experiences impact our perception of the world and shape who we become.  Much of who I was at fourteen diminished as I grew older.  I have changed in so many ways and believe those changes have been for the better.  I am certainly much kinder, more respectful, thoughtful and just a bit more cautious.  While I still have much more growing up to do, I’m grateful for what I’ve learned and who I’ve become.  I so deeply treasure what I then took for granted; my friends, family and the deep sense of faith that serves as the foundation of who I am.  Looking at that photo today, I am reminded of that fourteen year old girl and strive to always smile so wide, so joyfully and so confidently, regardless of the peacock perched on top of my head.

∞

Thank you for reading.